!Disclaimer!
The following piece is in no way scientifically proven. This piece is based on opinion and personal experience.
I call myself “a curious girl who hates change”. I feel that that description summarizes my appreciation for details and positivity along with my sometimes debilitating anxiety.
Anxiety is a difficult thing not only to describe but also to understand. I hardly understand it myself despite my diagnosis of General Anxiety Disorder. Often I scold myself for feeling anxious, telling myself things such as “you’re crazy,” “you’re being ridiculous”, and “you’re being dramatic”. I demote myself because I feel that I deserve to be punished for “wasting” my time worrying rather being grateful for what I have. Even though I’ve been told by a professional of my condition (mental state? minor set-back? gift? sexy- intellegent-beautiful-way-of-being?) I still struggle to be kind to myself.
I feel as if I am in a nearly-constant civil war. Nearly-constant? Doesn’t that mean that I don’t have a disorder because I’m not always in super anxious mode? Doesn’t that mean that I don’t have a disorder because (trigger) I’m not in hospital ready due to a suicide attempt? Doesn’t that mean that I don’t have a disorder because people have it much worse than I do? No, no and no!
Anxiety doesn’t need to be drastic to be a life-altering problem.
From my understanding there is good anxiety, bad anxiety, and really bad anxiety. To me, good anxiety is the natural reactions we have to things that cause us alarm and trigger the human fight or flight response we all have in us. More often than not this type of anxiety is fleeting and will pass once the threat has disappeared or been solved. Bad anxiety is when the fight or flight response is triggered due to something (monumental or tiny) and the response does not always stop once the threat has disappeared or been solved. Bad anxiety, for me, also includes what I call “spiraling”. Spiraling is a temporary period of time that feels like the world is ending, where consciously irrational thoughts dominate my attention and cause me to spiral into an anxiety or panic attack. Finally, really bad anxiety is when the fight or flight response triggers a life-threatening action to be taken.
Note: all of these descriptions are based on my own experiences. Anxiety cannot truly be put into a box, especially since everyone feels in their own unique manner.
Anxiety is a physical and mental response to what the brain perceives to be a threat. For those of us who’s brain aren’t quite relaxed, the threats range from minuscule things such as how a stranger who was zoned out and not thinking about me happened to look at me in a judgmental way which obviously means I’m horrible to large scale things like the death of a loved one that most everyone experiences.
I’ve tried a lot of things to help me cope with anxiety. Some work really well while others only make things worse. Everyone has a different way of finding peace of mind and I am still trying to figure out my way. Like being an author or Pokemon training, this appears to be a life long endeavor…..without the cuddly and cute creatures.
So what have I tried so far?
- Therapy (Helpful – a bit awkward at first but cathartic)
- Medication (Very helpful for me and is not a crutch/does not mean I am weak and cannot handle my problems on my own – something I have to tell myself frequently)
- 5 Senses (Helpful – I generally use this and ABCs for panic attacks. Find each of the five senses, one at a time, and focus on those sensations to ground yourself)
- ABCs (Helpful – find something that starts with each letter of the alphabet to reel in your focus)
- Distractions (Sometimes helpful – video games, books, movies, etc)
- Anxiety Chart (Helpful – What Am I Anxious About? Why? What Am I Feeling? Solutions?)
- Evidence Chart (Helpful – for example, someone said X so I worry that they hate me. I’ll create a list of reasons why I think that, and 99.9% of the time I find that there is no evidence to back up my anxieties and mind reading tendencies)
- Mind Maps (Helpful – for when I’m overwhelmed and need to break down what’s going on in my life)
- Meditation (Sorta helpful – depends on the style of meditation. The only one that helps me the most is sitting and focusing on my breathing, but every time a sudden thought tries to distract I gently remind recognize that thought, say thats okay, and refocus. There are plenty of apps however for guided meditation)
- Bedtime nature sounds (Very helpful)
- Journaling (Very helpful – I’ve been journaling since I was 12. I’m currently on journal #34 and the notebook looks like a Disney VHS. Journaling isn’t about just expressing your feelings – I will be writing a future article on this)
- Talk to someone (Helpful – but I’m not very good at it)
- Go for a walk (Very helpful – especially in a nature filled area)
- Emotional Support Animal (Extremely helpful – but this comes with sacrifices and sometimes anxiety inducing situations so be very thorough in making this decision)
My latest coping mechanism has been to follow my dreams and make a big change (….sounds simple when I put it that way).
Soooooo I moved countries.
Check out installment two of my story and follow along with my journey <3
