Bucket List Lockdown
I’ve always wanted to make churros.
And crochet a scarf that isn’t lumpy.
And complete my “impossible” puzzle.
And binge read four books in a row.
And-
Well, there’s lots of stuff I’ve always wanted to try. My list grows faster than it shrinks.
Though house arres- lockdown has been put in place due to unfortunate circumstances, there’s a positive to this:
I have the time to do what I want.
Sort of.
I have more time than I did before to address my dreams and desires. While I have work, relationships, and adulting to do still, I also have more access to me-time and don’t have to commute or sit in a stuffy office while I take a break. Rather, my break is at home where I can spend that time eating and fulfilling a small dream…sometimes my dream is of eating.
On occasion, more time at home has proven to be a disadvantage as well. I can get easily distracted from the things that I need to accomplish, and sometimes I feel incredibly guilty and saddened if I don’t fulfill a full days worth of work. The plus side, however, is that I am able to check off some basic things on my bucket list and try my best to live the best life I possibly can.
….my scarves are still lumpy. I’m working on it.
My churros turned out delicious though (and I’m not even a great baker!), I’ve been able to read more (maybe not 4 books in a row but more books than before), and I completed the “impossible” puzzle with my flatmates during the first week of isolation (..it was hard, but so worth it).
I’ve been able to virtually connect with family and friends more as well, even though I suck at keeping in touch, and I’ve discovered the beauty of Pinterest, which has become a dangerous but inspiring pastime (I know I’m late to the party, but its still a party).
Days are long in lockdown and emotions are high, but during these past few months I have done things I would have continually pushed away for “a better time”.
I’ve learned that the better time is now.
I continue to struggle living within the present, but lockdown has given me the room I need to take a deep breathe. Tensions remain in the pit of my stomach, but I have been granted an opportunity to practice easing that anxious nausea by not just ticking off my self-care goals one-by-one, but by living them.
If I’ve taken anything from Anne Frank’s diary entires, its that despite the severity and stress of a situation, there is always good to be found. I feel that this is the perfect situation to practice this mindset!
Emotions, positive and negative, continue to flow, and though self-pitying in a corner with a blanket over my head happens sometimes, that isn’t who I am and its definitely not the only thing I am capable of. My despair is temporary, but my dreams and desires are eternal.
I have already accomplished a great deal while in lockdown, even if I don’t always feel like I have, and though my bucket list is on lockdown with me, I am able to do more than I have done before.
…..Now that I think of it, I’ve always been in a sort of lockdown, even when the world was COVID-free (deep sh** here man). Rather than my body being confined in a house however, my mind has been confined by my anxieties. I have always restricted my access to peace and made myself sick with pride, insecurity, and the need to be perfect and accomplished.
Physical lockdown has shown me this, and has helped me to recognize my need to slow down and enjoy the experience of completing something simple but important to me.
Later is now. Rather than lugging my bucket list behind me, I’m going to carry it close to my heart and lighten the load as I lighten my spirit with dreams.
Side note: I might go make a physical bucket list after this. Why not create slips of paper to pick each day from an actual bucket?
Why not join me and do the same?
